Another Glorious Victory For Transgenders!

by Billy Roper

In a move sure to spark applause from the feminists who support the T in their LGBTQ allies, transgender weightlifter “Laurel” Hubbard has won the Gold medal at the Australasian Championships. Well, really, he’s a guy. He wore women’s shoes, called himself by a girl’s name, and based on the absurd rules of modern society, was allowed to compete in the women’s weightlifting competition. Surprise! He won. But still, an inspiring story of triumphing over oppression, right? I don’t think any of the actual female weightlifters he beat will be upset, do you? Nah.

“New Zealand’s Laurel Hubbard won gold in the 90+kg at the 2017 Australasian Championships in Melbourne this weekend with a 123kg/271lb snatch and a 145kg/319lb clean-and-jerk. Hubbard, born Gavin, made history as the first transgender woman to represent New Zealand in an international competition.

Hubbard met all of the International Olympic Committee and International Weightlifting Federation criteria to compete as a woman, including proving her testosterone levels stayed below a certain threshold for the 12 months leading up to the meet.

(In other words, he took estrogen.)

Hubbard’s 268kg total easily put her in first place with a 19kg lead over runner-up Iuniarra Sipaia of Samoa.

Michael Keelan, the head of the Australian Weightlifting Federation, was impressed by Hubbard’s composure through all the scrutiny her performance was subjected to, and said “she’s on the cusp of creating a lot of history.”

(HE’s on the cusp of hurting a lot of feminist’s feelings.)

Hubbard is now looking to lock in a spot for the 2018 Commonwealth Games, one of the largest international weightlifting meets outside of Pan Ams and Worlds.”

(Maybe he’ll wear a pink pussy hat.)

After the incident where a man competed and won in the female division of racing under similar circumstances, then stabbed a contest official who complained, nobody said a word to Gavin.

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